Today's genius awards go to:

A 21-year-old female college student told the Pioneer Press she was riding a Chicago Transit Authority's Blue Line in Oak Park the week before when she was attacked by another passenger wielding a sock filled with human feces. Quoting her, "He had a sock full of his poop on me. It was everywhere; on my face, my hair, my clothes."

 And then there's: A VERY COMPATIBLE COUPLE

Huff Post’s Weird News reports - On Dec. 14, 2012, Rhode Island State Police pulled over 43-year-old Stephanie Souza, arresting her for driving under the influence. Later that night, her husband, 44-year-old Michael Souza, was driving to bail her out when police pulled him over and he was arrested on the same charge.

 And then there's

NINE YEARS FOR NO CASH -or robbing an armored-car guard of a cash box on his way into Northern Bank, a Belfast, North Ireland, court sentenced Joseph O’Callaghan, 31, to nine years in prison. How much money was in that box? According to BBC News (11-9-12), since that guard was about to enter the bank to pick up money, not leave money, all this robber stole was an empty metal box.